so ya here i am, christamas time rolling around, and you're all prolly wondering "RJ? why are you so sad and upset and all just blarghh??" well its because once again I am forced to spend christmas time feeling miserable and alone, I mean sure i have my family, but for me its just not enough to get me through what was my dad's favorite time of year. When I was with Kelly... she made it so easy for me to face this time of year, she made me feel like i didn't have to face everything alone. Now I feel like I'm left stranded out in the cold dark just wanting death to come but something keeps it from coming. I wish I could just write my songs and poetry like i used to to help me through this, but for some reason i can't, when i sit to write I cant get anything to come out, It's like in the back of my mind there's a voice going "whats the point? no-one cares anyways?" and yet some where i know that people still care for me... even her..... but yet its like at the same time i dont feel deserving...... IDK anymore.... ah shit i just went on an emo-rant again didnt i.....